Promises are social contracts where expectations are set between multiple parties

A promise is defined as a declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing or that a particular thing will happen. As social beings, humans have been making promises to each other for centuries. Promises in today’s world can range on their importance. Some promises can be high impact, like promising to meet a deadline on a project at work. Other promises can be more lower priority, like promising your spouse to have the dishes done – although some would argue that one is high impact. Regardless of the details of the promise, expectations have been agreed upon and set between multiple parties. Promises can also take place with businesses. When you place an order with a restaurant, or even agree on your personal salary when accepting a new position, you’re making a promise with that business and setting expectations of quality, timing, and price or compensation.

Study finds that Breaking Promises are Detrimental; Exceeding Promises is Only Marginal

The main premise of the article is that over delivering on a promise does not leave a lasting impression on the promise receiver. Let’s look at that in a real life scenario mentioned earlier. When saying to my boss that I’ll have a report to her by 5:00 having it to her by 4:00 or even 3:00 isn’t making a big difference. Having it to her at 6:00 on the other hand, is detrimental to the promise receiver – my boss in this case. Likewise, telling my spouse I’ll have the dishes done before going to bed – having them done at 5:00 or 9:00 doesn’t leave an impression. If my wife wakes up though and the dishes aren’t done, the promise is broken and therefore negatively impacts the promise receiver – my wife.

The study proves this by having 2 volunteers, a promise receiver and a promise maker. Once paired up, the promise receiver is instructed that they will be paid per puzzle they complete in a set amount of time and are handed 40 puzzles. The promise maker is instructed by the experimenter to promise to complete 10 puzzles. The puzzles completed by the promise makers are handed to the promise receiver under the context that the promise maker completed 5, 10, or 15 puzzles. The promise receiver is then instructed to rank the perceived level of effort from the promise maker, how grateful they are for the help, and how happy they are with the outcome. The promise receivers did not evaluate an exceeded promise any higher than the met promises. This pattern repeated through 4 different experiments.

Repair Broken Trust with Consistency and not Over Achieving

One of the ways this ties in with learning self discipline is that we’re all going to inevitably break a promise eventually. In business, home, or health – we will let someone down. What we learn from this study is that you can’t just “over achieve” your way back into good graces. If you do break a promise, it’s better to continue delivering consistently on opportunities than to just swing for the fences on the next chance you get. When you’re let down by a co worker, or even yourself, it’s important to get back into the consistency that comes with discipline. Getting back on the right track, is the only way to get over your miss. When you miss a day at the gym, don’t overexert yourself the next day – just get back into the swing of things. When you miss a deadline at work, don’t pour effort into your next project putting bells and whistles on everything. Instead, focus on regaining your consistency by following through on your next tasks.

Spend Your Time and Effort on Activities that Yield The Most Benefit

Like so many other times, Pareto’s Principle (The 80/20 Rule) is directly applicable in cases where promises are broken. Assuming the intent is to repair the relationship, spend time and effort getting back on track. It’s important to accept responsibility for the missed promise, apologize or make amends, and move on. Don’t dwell on mistakes and certainly don’t spend your time trying to over achieve your way to success. Going above and beyond doesn’t net you the results from the effort that is put in.

Thank you again for reading. If you enjoyed this article or have any questions, please contact me or leave a comment.

– Tim

Photo Credit: Dyxie; Escritura